Everyone has a holiday tradition, a holiday recipe, a holiday story that shapes how they celebrate what we call the Holiday Season. Be it Thanksgiving, Chanukah, Christmas, Kwanzaa, New Year’ s (did I forget any?) most of us hold one of these, some of these or all of these close to our heart. (For those of you who do not celebrate any of these I salute you, you probably have a shorter gift list than mine).

To me. the holidays start on Thanksgiving Day.  Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday and also the most problematic.  The issue is inviting people to share my turkey (I know, it could be easier if I didn’t invite no one, however sitting and eating turkey with only the family is kind of boring.) I’m not cheap and I am a sharing person but … 

My favorite part of the turkey are the legs and the wings.   As we know a turkey only has two of each.   So every year, when the guests arrive for Thanksgiving dinner, I make this announcement: “Thank you all for coming. Enjoy the food and wine and everything that I share with you today on this festive day, when we remember our ancestors who came to this country and ripped off the Native Americans. BUT DON’T EAT THE TURKEY LEGS OR THE WINGS. THEY’RE MINE.” Of course, there is always someone asking for a wing or a leg. DON’T PEOPLE LISTEN? It’s my mistake. I should give everyone a printed flyer when they arrive at my house with my rules about the turkey.

So this year, after many years of being kind of an ass about my turkey and people resenting my bad  attitude, I bought two turkeys: a 12 Pound Organic Turkey for the guests and a second 8 Pound Organic Turkey For me. Problem FINALLY solved!  And now I love Thanksgiving all over again.

Then we move to Chanukah - also known as “The Feast of Lights” and “8 days of presents”. (By the way, no, there’s no “proper” way of spelling Chanukah, I happen to use ‘ch”.) Having eight days of presents is great when the kids are younger. You give them a little gift everyday, something little and inexpensive,  and they’re happy.

But I hate when they get older they start expecting better gifts, so I came up with the 1 Gift Rule: I’ll get them something that they really want and that it’s not too expensive. 

Now Aaron, my 8-year-old, wants a Nintendo Switch.  I’m not cheap but they cost over $400 plus you have to buy the games. C’mon, he already has an iPhone and a computer! I told him that if he wants one, he can go out and get a job. He opted for his second-best and so I bought him Pokemon cards, and he was happy.

Now we move on to Christmas.

I grew up without having a Christmas tree. I used to go to friends’ homes and sit by their trees and  listen to Holiday music - and if it snowed it was a bonus. So  5 years ago I decided I would have a tree too. It wasn’t going to be a Christmas tree but a Holiday tree (that’s how the Jewish people rationalize having a tree). We decorate it with lights and baubles and tinsel, and I make sure to always put a Star of David on top.

Then I put presents under the tree about 10 days before December 25 and everyone tries  to guess what’s in the boxes - they’re all empty though, I just like to see nicely wrapped presents under the tree, it looks good. I sit by my fireplace, with the tree lit up, and listen to Holiday music - and if it ever snows on Christmas day here in Las Vegas it will shock the heck out of me but I’m sure I’ll love it. It’s great.

But I hate when Christmas is over and I have clean up the smelly tree and dispose of the crappy wrapping paper. That’s a two day job - I’m methodical, this is the way I work, so I’ll take no rushing from anyone. I say every time “this is the last year I do this” but I know we’ll do it again next year.

And then there’s New Year’s. The dancing, the champagne, the noise, the dogs barking, the neighborhood joker who sets off 200 fireworks at the same time at 2 am…DON’T GET ME STARTED!

Anyway, I hope your holidays are filled with everything you love and very little of what drive you nuts. Pass the wine bottle.